Aisling: Today’s post features a guest writer. Fiona MacDonald is a friend who specializes in a special type of relationship: that of Domination and submission, or D/s, for short. But I’ll turn it over to her to explain it to you.
Fiona, a Second Life Domme
Hello, everyone. I’m Fiona, but most folks call me Fin. All except for my beloved wife, who generally calls me by my more formal title of Mistress. Mistress, Domme, two words that generally mean the same thing: the Alpha female in a D/s (Domination and submission) relationship.
What it Isn’t
Some people equate D/s with BDSM, or Bondage and Discipline Sado Masochism. I hate to burst your bubble, but they are nowhere near the same. While D/s can contain elements of BDSM, that’s not its main focus.
Instead, at the heart of every D/s relationship lies trust, affection, and mutual respect.
For example, I bind myself to my version of this creed:
A Domme’s Creed
As the Dominant to My submissive I know that she gives herself to Me in mind, body, soul and spirit and does so of her own volition. In Me, she has placed confidence, reliance, faith, hope and dependence.
I will endeavour to ensure My submissive’s needs and desires are learned, and her limits are respected at all times. I understand that the gift of submission is priceless and will cherish it always.
Through My actions I will demonstrate that I am in complete control of Myself, thus allowing Me to impress upon My submissive, the need to relinquish any control she may subconsciously retain in order to facilitate our erotic power exchange.
I accept responsibility for all aspects of My submissive’s life, ensuring that each decision I make in her regard is the best for her body, spirit and soul. Never will I place My submissive in jeopardy, nor will I compromise the trust she has placed in Me. In order to bring My submissive to new heights and understanding, I will work to achieve a vast knowledge of all aspects of the lifestyle, thus allowing Me to be the teacher that she so richly deserves.
I will honor, defend and guard My submissive at all times showing that My love for her will provide a safe harbor in times of adversity.
My Dominant self is rooted both in reality and in fantasy, yet I can easily differentiate the two, never allowing the fantasy world to overtake that of the real world.
In times of distress and hardship, I will shed the role of Dominant and provide for My submissive a supportive partner and confidant.
While often unrelenting and strict, bringing My submissive to tears, I will always kiss away the tears that are shed showing My submissive that while stern, My heart belongs to her.
I vow never to lift a hand to My submissive in anger. When punishment is needed, it shall always be delivered with a tender and discerning hand and for a valid reason. I pledge to My submissive patience and understanding, tolerance and steadfastness, allowing us to grow and nurture the bond we have established so that it may withstand the test of time.
Above all else, I will wear the title of Dominant with great honor.
And my submissive has, in return, bound herself to this:
I Am A Submissive Woman
I find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive to another in a loving relationship. I am not weak, or stupid. I am a strong woman, with firm views and a clear concept of what I want out of my life. I do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength. I look to my loving Mistress for guidance and protection, for never am I more complete than when She is with me. I know that She will protect my body, my mind, and my soul with Her strength and wisdom.
She is everything to me, as I am everything to Her. Her touch awakens me and Her thoughts free me. Only in serving Her do I find complete freedom and joy. Her punishments are harsh, but I accept them thankfully, knowing that She has my best interests always foremost in Her mind. If She desires my body for pleasure, I shall joyfully give it to Her, and take pleasure myself from knowing that I have brought Her happiness. However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of any relationship. The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt, those are all parts of this relationship.
My body is Hers, and if She says I am beautiful, then I am. No matter what I look like to others, I am beautiful in Her eyes, and because of that I hold my head high…for who can tell me that my Mistress is wrong in seeing the beauty in me? If She says I am Her princess, then I am that…regal and graceful, and if I see laughter at me in the eyes of others, I do not recognize it, for who are they to call my Mistress wrong? If She says I am Her toy, Her slut, Her tramp, then I am that…as wanton and dirty as She wants me to be, and if others do not see this, then it is they who are blind, not my Mistress.
My mind is Hers, to expand, to explore, to know as only She can. I have no secrets from Her…for secrets are a thing that would keep me from being more perfectly Her. Secrets would put a wall up between my Mistress and myself…and I do not want walls. Her lessons are not always ones I would seek on my own, but they are lessons She has decided I need, and so I learn from Her. My soul is Her, as bare to Her touch as ever my skin could be when I kneel naked at Her feet. Never a moment goes by when I do not feel Her presence, be She miles away or standing over me.
If I were to ever displease Her, Her displeasure would be a blow to my soul, worse punishment than any physical pain could be. The anguish of my soul that I feel when I disappoint Her is harder to bear than the physical anguish. I spend my days knowing that the energy and thought She puts into our relationship is as much for my benefit as for Hers, and look forward to each lovingly crafted scene that we do together.
Her part is much harder than mine, and I know this and am grateful that She cares enough about me to spend Her time and energy so freely on me. I have the easier job: to feel, to experience, to let myself go and abandon everything to Her. I am Her pleasure and Her responsibility, and She takes both seriously.
I am a submissive woman. I am proud to call myself that. My submission is a gift that I do not give lightly, and can only be given to one who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold. Only to She who has that strength will I give myself fully, because I am strong and proud. I am a submissive woman.
That should give you a fairly good idea of what it’s all about. But remember that these are not hard and fast rules: Just as every other relationship is based on needs, desires, and preferences, so our relationship is tailored to our own needs. In our particular case, I have but one submissive, as it would not be fair to her to divide my time and attention between many pets.
As frequently happens as a result of the intensity of our relationship, true affection and even love can happen between both parties. My submissive—Serena—is also my fiancée. We plan a SL wedding in the near future. Thus we will be bound by ties far more profound than mere D/s.
I look forward to the day when we will add the title wife to each other.
Until then, I am happy to answer and questions you may have about D/s.